11 Behaviors That Can Jeopardize Your Relationship
There are good times and bad moments in every romantic relationship. It doesn’t matter if you argue about who stained the sofa. Certain behaviors can cause a relationship to become less healthy over time.
These behaviors include avoiding new experiences, being untruthful about money, and even texting too much. Psychology literature is full of examples. It does not mean you need to end your relationship if you see these patterns. However, it does suggest that you should talk with your partner about it as soon as you can. This is a chance to step back and look at what you can do to not only solve the problem but to also strengthen your relationship.
These 11 obstacles can endanger your relationship.
You must distance yourself from your partner
In 2016, a study published in the journal “Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice” found that two characteristics are deadly for predicting dissatisfaction in relationships. They are sensitivity to rejection and a tendency to disconnect with the couple emotionally.
People who fear being hurt can isolate themselves from their partners which can negatively impact the relationship. They believe what they fear.
This may sound familiar? Talk to your partner about your fears. It will surprise you to discover that you have some of the same concerns and that you can collaborate to overcome them.
Open your mind to new experiences
Research shows that couples who are open to trying new things together are more happy in their relationships.
It could also be the reverse: Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist, says that if you are not open to new shared interests, it can cause resentment and damage to your relationship.
Accept your partner’s invitation to go to a new restaurant, or on a field trip. This will help you save money every now and again.
Protect your finances
According to a survey conducted by the National Endowment for Financial Education in 2018, 44% of adults admitted to lying to their partners about money (financial fraud). This can lead to mistrust, fights and even divorce.
Money is more than just money. It can also symbolize power and love. Insecurity about your partner’s money can lead to insecurity about the relationship.
It is crucial to have a discussion about your budget before you decide to combine your finances (or even partially combine them) with your partner.
Talking to your partner is not a good idea
According to a 2014 study published in Communication Monographs, couples who are prone to “demand/retreat”, in which one partner pressures the other, and then receive silence in return, tend not be as happy.
Paul Schrodt, a Texas Christian University researcher, said that this pattern is difficult to break, as each partner believes the other is the problem.
Form a “fancy bond”
Robert Firestone, a psychologist, coined “fantasy bonds”, which refers to the illusion of connection with your partner.
This situation is where you substitute the genuine feelings of love, passion, and commitment with the idea that you are a couple or a unit. Routines are often what replace emotional closeness.
According to Lisa Firestone, Firestone’s daughter and the real danger is that you lose your individuality in an attempt to find safety within a relationship.
Use SMS to solve difficult topics
A study published in The Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy in 2013 found that women are happier in relationships if they receive more messages. However, this is not true for men.
Lori Cluff Schade (lead author of the study) says that texting can be used by men to escape from a relationship.
Sometimes, texting is not the best option. According to the study author, couples should have these conversations in person.
The “kitchen idea”
This refers to the time when you and your partner are at odds and you recall something he did in the past, but that is unrelated to the current conversation.
Douglas LaBier, a psychologist, shares a Psychology Today example: While you are discussing your summer vacation plans, suddenly your partner starts talking about the ugly chair he bought recently.
Do not show contempt for your partner
Couples that show contempt for each other are more likely to end their relationship.
John Gottman, relationship expert, says that contempt is a combination of anger and disgust that makes it clear that your divorce is imminent. It makes it hard to see the world from your partner’s point of view.
To solve this problem, you must first cultivate respect and appreciation for both partners and find positive ways to express your feelings.
Talk negatively about your partner to others
An analysis of heterosexual married couples published in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2017 found that social sabotage is a form of aggression which can negatively affect relationships.
According to psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne, social sabotage can be described as the sharing of private information and embarrassment in public.
It is interesting that, although women are more likely to engage in emotional sabotage than men, social sabotage by males can often be more detrimental to a relationship.
For the wrong reasons, break up
Linda Carroll, a marriage therapist, says that breaking up with someone requires a lot of mental and emotional energy. The hardest part of breaking up is often deciding whether you want to.
Believe in “happy ever after”
There is no such thing as “Cinderella” and there is no Prince Charming. Marriage is not just about being in love. It is also about hard work. Numerous studies show that couples who do not believe in perfect love are happier over the long-term.
Howdy! My name's Charlotte Gray. I'm a Prairie gal and live in a small town in Colorado. I'm a young mom and love to explore all aspects of life. To try out new and different things.
This blog is all about me expressing those different things and discovering new challenges and writing about solving life's problems.