Politicians Have Affairs?!?!?!
June 26, 2009
I can hardly believe my ears the past couple of weeks! First Republican Senator John Ensign then Republican Governor Mark Sanford. What’s going on?
Is it because they’re up-and-coming Republicans? Is it because they’re Christian hypocrites? OR is it because they’re married humans? Click here to read my two cents! (Also, be sure to read the sweet comment that “ala” left me.)
Yours in Sexual Purity,
Spring
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June 26, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I love your article!!! I don’t even know what to say back to someone like Ala (especially on the internet).
June 27, 2009 at 8:02 am
Thanks, Courtney. My favorite part of ala’s comment is the “God will judge fornicators” bit
!
June 28, 2009 at 9:42 am
Ah, apparently I was only born to be married. Guess I suck at life, Ala. Thanks for clearing that one up. I’m still trying to picture my idea of God sitting in a judge’s chair. You know, judging things. A giant ball of energy connecting everything in the universe…with a gavel.
June 28, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Thought this was interesting. A take on marriage being obsolete. “On marriage: Let’s call the whole thing off”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31452178?gt1=43001
June 30, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Hi Spring, I read your post (the full one, over a the Examiner) several days ago, and it’s really stuck with me. It also prompted a long, late-night, sleepy conversation with my wife a couple nights back.
Something I’d like to point out is that marriage is not the antonym of non-monogamy. You stated that “[i]f it weren’t for the institution of marriage, what these men did would be of zero consequence” but I’m inclined to disagree, somewhat. Rather, if these men weren’t lying to their wives and themselves, then what they did would be of zero consequence. In other words, they wouldn’t feel the need to “get away” with anything. While maaaaany people seem to think so, getting married doesn’t mean conforming to some preset list of rules and conditions. Each one is different, and the way each one works is defined ONLY by the two people involved.
That said, I have trouble understanding what monogamy really is. Yeah, there are various definitions, and I suppose I can simply pick out the one that best suits me. But anytime it’s brought up, it’s strictly in the context of sexuality. Which is why I cringe whenever monogamy and marriage are equated, or even used interchangeably, because marriage–at least my marriage–has very little to do with sex/sexuality. That’s only a teeny little snippet. So when a guy cheats on is wife, everyone gets caught up in the whole “sex” aspect of it (was it oral sex? did he meet her in a hotel room? did she masturbate with his cigars?), completely ignoring the real issue–he lied to his wife, and in doing so he manipulated, insulted, and disrespected the person he cares about most in life. What he did with his penis is really not terribly important–at least it shouldn’t be, when you think about it.
I didn’t get married so I could have sex with one person, or so that person would only have sex with me.
So what does monogamy mean? Hell, what’s meant by “non-monogamy”, “relationship”, “partner”, “attraction”, “orientation”…?
Many things in this world make me nervous, uncomfortable, scared, and–inevitably–cynical. This subject is one of them. Another is conformity. I hate the fact that I’m considered a conformist in some circles because I’m married. I’ve conformed to many, many ideals, but I really haven’t conformed to anything by participating in the marriage institution.
Upon bringing this up to Holly, she beautifully and matter-of-factly pointed out that we are both monogamous and non-monogamous–if one tries to apply a singlular definition (sexual or otherwise) to the nature of our partnership. Without revealing too much about things that are between us, we are “allowed to get away” with many things which fall outside of the “boundaries” of monogamy. This is, I’m sure, simply because we are open with our feelings. And because we don’t lie to each other.
And that made me feel better. Which, of course, is why I married her.
A few months after our wedding I posted my thoughts on marriage on my old blog. Read it here.
July 1, 2009 at 9:54 am
Awe, Daniel. You are SO thoughtful, and that is SO awesome. All I can say is I wish everyone thought this way:
“I see marriage as choosing my most trusted friend and agreeing that from now on, we will divide up all the joys, pains, and burdens of life and distribute them equally.”
Please don’t take my flippant critique of the institution of marriage as an attack on people like you and Holly who are awesome and also happen to be married.
July 1, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Oh no, I don’t! I hope it didn’t come across that way. I’m just hung up on the term “monogamy”–I’d like to know how others define and interpret it. Maybe someday I’ll find a definition I’m comfortable with. Anyone care to help a brotha out?
Marriage obviously isn’t for everyone, including many married couples. Realistically, it may not even be for Holly and me–and if that ever turns out to be the case, well, then we’ll just try something else. But right now, and hopefully forever, it’s what’s right.
July 3, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Nick and I have our 3 year anniversary tomorrow. Just for shits and giggles, I’m going to tell him that God created marriage and it’s what we were born to do.
July 5, 2009 at 8:49 pm
I would just like to add that our ease in talking about stuff like this pretty much sucks the temptation to stray (whatever that means) right out of the window. Again, without going into too much, when something is no longer forbidden, you find yourself less inclined to put yourself to the trouble of going after it. I think, ironically, our commitment to not letting any topic be forbidden and to keeping our boundaries open to discussion has made other people LESS appealing. Because, really, when everything is awesomely easy and uncomplicated, wtf do you need someone else’s drama for?
Like D said, I vote for everyone changing the marital ideal from the nebulous “monogamy” thing that nobody can really agree on to “don’t be shitty, manipulative, or a liar.”